Please Don't Tell Me You Just Clicked That
by partner IN crime XD
Summary: When my friend Hayley accidently orders Hetalia units, I was not expecting to get this. I have to deal with living alone and my favorite anime characters? Now me and my three friends have to stop them from destroying my house-and my life. Very crack.
1. Chapter 1

**Partner in Crime: Okay so I know your thinking Oh boy! Another stupid manual fic! But in my opinion, I freaking love these fics so I decided to give one a shot. Based on the true genius of LolliDictator. If you have time, check out her stories! DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. I also don't own Hayley, Shannon, and Ali. My friend Owlcookies owns them. If you've watched FMA, search her story _Somewhere, Down in a Hole._**

**Ali's POV**

It was just a normal Saturday, not very unusual at all minus the fact that my friends Hayley and Shannon managed to break my PS3 by not only pouring strawberry milkshake on it, but also stepping on it. Nice friends, huh?

Anyways, Shannon, Hayley, and I were sitting in my room, on my computer, looking at some random Hetalia stuff. Well, to be more accurate, Hayley was sitting on the top of my dresser with my laptop, I was at the foot of my dresser trying to get it back, and Shannon was just shouting random and unhelpful stuff.

"HAAAAAAYLEEEEEEEY! Give me back my laptop!" I whined.

"No! You're the only one who has been on it the whole time!" Hayley replied.

"But its mine!"

"To bad punk!" Hayley scooted closer to the wall. "Hey! Ali! I don't think your firewall is working!"

"What did you do now?" I groaned.

"Nothing... I just came across a popup."

"Just delete it," Shannon suggested.

"CONGRATULATIONS! You are the one-millionth visitor of this site! Click here to redeem you prize!" Hayley read out loud. "Oooh! What if you won a free Ipad! Like the time I did in Language Arts!"

"Can you please come down?" I begged.

"Fine!" Hayley glared at me but came down nonetheless. Hayley clicked on the popup, which led her to another popup.

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**You have just won a free Hetalia unit package!**

"What are hetalia units?" We all wonder aloud.

"Wait! There's more!" Hayley scrolled down.

**The Hetalia unit package comes with the following:**

**Russia, Korea, Prussia, England, China, Italy, Switzerland, Canada, USA, France, Spain,...(ect.)**

"Cool!" Hayley and Shannon exclaimed. "Get it!"

"No thanks."

"Please?"

"Come on Ali!"

"No way." I looked at Hayley. She was grinning madly. "What?"

"I clicked on it."

"HAYELY!"

"What! Nothing bad happened. Just a little a little message that read 'Thank you for your purchase. Your first unit will arrive in 1-3 business days.'

"You bought something? HAYLEY!"

"Hey! I don't remember buying anything! I just clicked on the button!"

"If what ever you bought will kill me, burn down the house, eat me out of house and home, or-"

"Its just a unit!"

"Exactly! What the hell are units?"

**XXX**

On Monday morning I made my way downstairs, still half asleep.

I don't think I introduced myself yet. I'm Ali Griffin, 13 years of age, and a soon-to-be eighth grader once the summer is over. I live a nice big white house in sunny Palo Alto, California with a pool and big garden. It's a very nice place to live in, especially when you live alone. That's right. Alone. My parents are on a sailing trip around the world so it's just me and my next-door-neighbor/caretaker/family friend Rosa Gonzalez. She only checks up on me occasionally. That means I do all the shopping, cleaning, ect ect. But I_ hate _cleaning. It_ sucks_!

The doorbell rang. It was probably one of my friends. Since I'm pretty much alone and I have a big house, my three friends Hayley, Shannon, and Emma practically live at my house. I open the door and start to lecture the person standing in the doorway.

"What the hell are you doing over at my house? LEAVE ME ALONE!" I growl.

Instead of a thirteen-year-old girl of some form, I see a delivery guy with a box the size of me, probably bigger.

"Uhh... sorry, don't mean to intrude, but are you Ali Griffin?" The delivery guy apologized.

"Sorry, I'm not really a morning person," I explain.

I saw a white truck with... _OMG THATS FLYING MINT BUNNY!_

"Yes it is." The delivery guy confirmed. _Holy crap! He's a mind reader!_

"Would you mind signing here?" He motioned at the line on the clipboard. I took the pen and wrote my name that was either 'Ali Griffin' or Aii grtheigh'. "Thanks so much. You're next package will arrive in two days."

The guy left, leaving me with a huge box in my doorway. I sighed ad reached for my phone. In a few short seconds, I had my two friends on speaker.

"Hey guys. The package arrived today and I was wondering if you can come over to help me with a box, because there is no damn way I can move it by myself."

"Hmmmmm let me think... ahhhhhh...NnnnnnYES!" Hayley teased.

"Sure. But ummmm... are you offering cookies?" Shannon asked.

"Fine. I'll give you guys cookies," I replied.

"YAY! COOKIES!" The both cheered and hung up. I sat on the porch, watching the sun peak over the trees. _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

"WOAH! BIG BOX!" Hayley hollered across the street. "I thought they would be like action figures or bobble heads or something!"

"No. Really?" I scoffed. "I hope we can fit it in the doorway."

"It never hurts to try!" Shannon suggested.

We tried to lift the box(fail), we tried to push the box(fail), we even tried to break the box into separate pieces(fail). By some miracle got the box inside my giant living room.

"Who did you get? Please be America!" Hayley was the "America" in our group. The box read **FELICIANO VARGAS.**

"Who the hell is Feliciano?" Hayley questioned. She didn't watch all of Hetalia as far as I know and didn't know that every character had a human name. I pick up the instruction manual labeled "**Feliciano Vargas: User Guide and Manual.**" I start reading it aloud.

"**CONGRATULATIONS**! You have just purchased your very own **FELICIANO VARGAS** unit! In order to allow you full access to all of your unit's wonderful traits, we have provided this manual. Reading it is highly advised to avoid any undesirable situations involving a furious older brother unit."

I skimmed through the manual, with Shannon and Hayley reading over my shoulder.

"Hahaha! Pasta Freak!" Hayley laughed at his "responds to: Pasta Freak"

Shannon read through the rest. "Basically, they sent you a human!"

"OMG I HAVE MY OWN ITALY!" I cried, jumping up and down with joy.

"Hold on a second. This says Feliciano Vargas. Not Italy." Hayely said. "So then... what?"

It took us exactly 10 minutes and 33 seconds just to get the Feliciano Vargas thing into Hayley's head. It took us another 5 minutes and 22 seconds for her to understand the rest of the characters. And yes, I timed it.

"Lets see...Hey! They gave us different options on how to activate him! Okay...hmmm... well, option 2 is out since we don't have Germany, Romano, or Rome." Hayley scanned through the rest. I peer over her shoulder.

"Option 3 is out!" I said.

"Well then lets get some pasta and drag the box into the kitchen!"

"How are we going to do that?"

**XXX**

Once we got the pasta in the boiling water, we waited until there was a soft thudding noise.

"What was that?" Shannon squeaked and hid behind Hayley. "I think it's going to eat me!"

Then, believe it or not, the box started crying. "Owww~~~ my poor hands! This box is very, very hard!" We looked at each other. Yup, this was _definitely_ Italy.

"I think we should save Italy," I stated. Hayley and Shannon nodded their heads. I found a latch and removed it. The one side of the box gave way and a very happy Italy leaped out and hugged me.

"Ve~ thank you! Its was super scary in that dark box! I'm glad you saved me!" Feliciano chirped. "What's your name? Mine is-"

"Feliciano. I know. And I'm Ali, that's Shannon, the short one, and the one who's trying to stir the pasta is Hayley."

"What pretty names!" He smiled.

"Awww he's adorable!" I cried hugging him back.

"Maybe because he's set to _adorable_, captain obvious." Shannon remarked. I stuck my tongue out at her and let go of Italy.

He just kind of sat there, with his eyes closed going "Ve~" for a few seconds while Shannon, Hayley, and I watched with pure amazement. Then he jumped up, smiling.

"Can I have the pasta now?" I dished out the pasta we had just boiled. Hayley handed him a bowl.

"Sorry it's a bit plain but that's all she has right now," Shannon apologized.

"Yeah I know. I'll go shopping tomorrow. Don't rush me!" I said, dishing pasta for the rest of us. We ate in silence, even though we were having a conversation with our eyes. It went a little something like:

_Okaaaay so now I know what a unit is!_

_I hope you get America next! AMERICA! AMERICA! OH YEAAAH!_

_I just remembered something..._

_What?_

_What?_

_Italy likes to sleep with other people..._

_Nuts and bolts!_

_You're screwed!_

_Ve~ Can I have more pasta?_

"Knock yourself out!" I said, breaking the silence.

"Ve~ Why would I do that? It would really hurt!" Italy asked. Shannon faceplamed.

"Its an expression! It means 'Sure! Go ahead!' " Shannon explained.

"I'll tell that one to Romano the next time I see him!" He chirped, dishing himself a big helping.

"Well, lets all cross our fingers and hope that you get America next!" Hayley remarked happily.

"And our toes!" Shannon exclaimed.

"I can't cross my toes," I sighed. "But I would love to be a mind reader!"

"I can read minds!" Hayley proclaimed

"Ve~ really?"

"Yup! You are thinking about... PAAAAASTA!" Hayley waved her arms dramatically.

"Wow! You're really good! Italy said, stunned.

"Cheater.." Shannon and I mumbled while Hayley started going off about her awesomeness.

"You see the powers of my awesomeness? OH YEAH! 'Cuz I is AWESOME! OH YEAHHH!" Hayley keeps ranting on and on about those kinds of things...people these days...

When the pasta was all eaten (or thrown onto the ceiling, whichever floats your boat), we made our way upstairs. I pointed to an empty room that served as a guest room.

"This is where you will sleep," I inform Italy.

"You do realize he's not going to sleep there," Shannon commented.

"One can only hope..." I sigh.

**XXX**

"Wow! What this Ali?"

"It's called a Television."

"Ve~ How does it work?"

Hayley started to explain. "Its run by unicorns! They hide behind the screen and poop rainbow, which gives it the color. Then leprechauns give the fairy's gold, in which they use to run their magic, causing the colors to make pictures and move and talk. And then-"

"She's messing with you. She's just to afraid to admit she has no clue how it works." Shannon shot Hayley a glare.

"Oooh! Hetalia's on!" Hayley exclaimed.

Shannon and I gave Hayley a look of distress. She just grinned evilly.

"Hayely..." I warned her. "Give me the remote."

"No!"

"Give it!" Shannon and I tackled her while Italy was running around us, shouting and begging for us to stop. Of course, we didn't listen.

Hayley held up the remote over her head. "No!"

Shannon grabbed the remote out of her hand. "Hahahaha I got it!" She cheered triumphly.

"Punk! Give it back!"

"You can't show him Hetalia!" I told her.

"But its just anime!" She whined.

"He's going to think we're stalkers if you show him!" Shannon hissed.

"He doesn't know its anime!" I point out. "He's going to think we're like France, or something."

"Ha ha France is funny," Hayley commented.

"He is funny," I agreed. "But he kind of creeps me out at the same time."

The doorbell rang again.

"Who would that be?" I wondered. "Excuse me, but I have to go answer the door."

"Wow! You're being polite!" Shannon exclaimed.

"Gee thanks." I scoffed.

I answered the door again to see the same guy from the same company with a box.

"Can you not count? It hasn't even been one day! You said I get my next one in two days!"

"Sorry Ali, but someone canceled their order and we can't let them sit in the post office."

"Ahh! You know my name! Stalker Stalker!

"Ali. Your name is on the clipboard." Pssht I totally knew that.

"Fine," I sighed as I signed the signing...thingy... "Thanks...erm... delivery... dude."

"The name's Luke. See you in two days!"

"Bye delivery...dude...Luke... person...thing." I trailed off, spouting random words that came into my mind. I tend to do that a lot.

"Hey Ali, who was that?" Shannon asked as I inspect the box. It read "Francis Bonnefois".

Oh crap. It's France.

Run for your virginity. (BWAHAHAHA!-xb)

**Partner in Crime: The last quote I got from a Motivational Poster (or demotivational poster, what ever floats your boat). That quote belongs to its rightful owner. I'm not sure if I want to continue this or not, so if you think I should, drop a line!**

**R&R~ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Partner in Crime: I would like to thank my very special friends-in-real-life-and-on-FFdotnet... drumroll...**

**OWLCOOKIES AND XPLODING BUNNIES! *clap clap clap* and another round of applause for my editors... Drum roll...**

**OWLCOOKIES AND SOMETIMES XPLODING BUNNIES! *Less enthusiastic clapping***

**Thanks to them, you guys get my fanfic with perfect spelling and grammar, seeing as I am the world's worst speller. (BWAHAHA YEAH. THTS RIGHT. AWESOMENESS RIGHT THERE-oc) Seeing as they are my editors, they do tend t leave comments marked with –xb or –oc. I sometimes delete them but I am just to lazy to sometimes. If it really annoys you, just let me know and I will happily delete them from the final copy.**

**Huge thanks to MewMewSugara, SpicyItalianRomano, RandomReviewerPerson, Personyoudon'tknow, 18katrina, Kystal, and Owlcookies for the third time today! (She's thieving alchemist). Your favs, alerts, and reviews made me feel like I should give you guys a second chapter! So here it is! And if you were wondering, I'm Ali, Owlcookies is Shannon, and Hayley is Xploding bunnies**

**Enjoy~**

"I'M DOOOOOOMED!' I cry into Shannon's shoulder. "ABSOLUTELY DOOMED!" Shannon patted my back sympathetically while Hayley inspected the box. (lol patting ur back is EXACTLY wat i wud do xD-oc waz here) And Italy was making pasta because, and I quote, "Don't worry! Pasta makes everything better!"

Yeah firetruckin right! Unless pasta can make the contents of the box disappear, I'm afraid this will be the one scenario where pasta will be the last thing to make it better.

"Shit shit shit! I AM SO FRUCKING SCREWED!" I howled. Italy made some distressed comments from the kitchen regaurding on if we were all right.

"Based on my knowledge, you got France. Oh! And it's dinner time!" Hayley concluded.

"Great deduction captain obvious. Now can you please tell me something helpful?" I growled. Shannon picked up a book that was resting on the crate with the manual.

"How To Stop The French From Invading Your Bed," She read. "This could be helpful." She tossed it to me and flipped through the manual. "Okay... blah blah blah blah... activation... modes... how wonderful... he's going to be a real treat..."

"Why?" I ask suspiciously.

"Cuz his default modes are going to make him horny (eww) and annoying." She replied nonchalantly. "And I'm going home now."

"NOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH FRANCE SET ON HORNY!" I wail.

"Relax... you have Italy..." Hayley leaned back against my door. "You'll be fine. And we'll come and check on you tomorrow..."

"If I'm alive tomorrow..."

"I'm sorry but you are overreacting! You're just alone with a clingy and helpless Italian and a whiney, perverted, get-in-your-pants French guy. Life could be worse..." Shannon trailed off after processing what she said. I gave her a _"did you really just say that?"_ look. "Okay... it's pretty bad..." She mumbled.

"Can you guys please stay until after dinner! I'm begging you!"

"Sorry but my mom wants me home for dinner," Hayley apologized.

"Same," Shannon replied, walking out the door with Hayley on her heels. "Have fun! And remember! Thirteen is not a good age to lose your V-card!"

"YOU GUYS SUCK!" I shouted, slamming the door. (u poor poor thing u :P) I sighed and picked up the evil, evil manual.

**CONGRATULATIONS!** You are now the proud owner of your very own **FRANCIS BONNEFOIS** unit!

Oh yeah. I'm so proud to own France. I could practically scream it off the rooftops.

_Please take this time to remember the waiver you signed upon ordering this unit: we, the makers of this manual, are not to be held responsible for any bodily or emotional harm your new unit subjects you to. For your personal safety, we have enclosed this manual, and suggest you read it to avoid any unwanted contact with your unit._

"W-w-waiver? What waiv-oh...that sneaky bastard!"

_-Flashback-_

"_Sign here Ali."_

"_Okaaayyy fine." I signed the slip of paper. It was odd, it was labeled 'waiver'. Why is this a waiver?_

_-End Flashback-_

"Okaaay Ali. Calm down. All you need to do is wake him up. BUT WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?"

"Sorella? Are you okay?" Italy asked from the kitchen in concern.

"I'm fine!" _What does sorella mean?_ "I'm just trying to activate France."

"Ve~ Big brother France is here?" Activation...Activation... AHA! Activation!

"Hey Italy?"

"Si?"

"You can't speak French, right?"

"Ve~ But sorella! Why ask me when you can just ask big brother Francis?" He chirped. To cute.

"Errrr... That's what I thought... um okay... hmmm... AHA! ITALY! LAPTOP! NOW!" I ordered.

"Y-y-yes sir!" He saluted with the wrong hand. "I-I-I mean m'am... or uhh Ali.. or sorella... or..."

"Italia?"

"Ve~?"

"Get me the laptop please?"

"Of course! Anything for you!"

"Danke~!"

**XXX**

"I HATE THIS BOX BECAUSE IT CONTAINS FRANCE, I HATE MY LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH THIS, I HATE HAYLEY FOR ORDERING THIS, I HATE YUKIATSU CUZ I CAN, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I HATE YOUTUBE FOR NOT FREAKING LOADING!" I ranted/shouted at my laptop.

"Ve~ Maybe we should wait until you calm down a bit..."

"No its okay... I overreact at over some things. Like getting a pervert as my new housemate. I'll be fine. Just give me a coke and I'll calm down."(lol coke)( i love coke! Its yummy! :D)(i hate coke :P)(*GASP!*-pnc)

Youtube finally started cooperating and started playing "La Marseillaise." Not such a bad song... though I don't know what the lyrics mean... I felt a pair of shaking hands on my shoulders and a shaking body on my back.

"Uhhh... Italy?"

"V-v-ve. The box is singing!"

"HOLY CRAP SINGING BOX! AHHHH! DIAL HAYLEY! NO UHHHH DIAL SHANNON! NO! BAD ALI! DIAL 911!" I shouted running in circles. Yes, I'm smart like that. Deal with it.

"VE! WHERES THE PHONE!"

"Eh hem!" The box called out over all our commotion. "What iz all zis commotion about?"

"Uhh... excuse me, talking box- I-I mean France, but ummmm... You're kind of going to have to cooperate with me and ummm not talk. Or move. Or breathe. Especially breathe." _Hopefully he will suffocate.. NO! BAD ALI! NO COMMITTING INDIRECT MURDER! But if you're never caught..._

"Uhh sorella? Are you okay? You've got that creepy look on your face. Kind of like Prussia's 'I will now conquer your vital regions' look." Italy cowered behind the couch a bit.

"Hey Feliciano. Can you get the chainsaw from the garage?" I asked.

"You're not planning on killing big brother Francis, right?" He wailed while Francis shouted protests from the box.

"Both of you relax! Unless you have another way of getting French fry here out of this box, I'm using a chainsaw, ok?"

**XXX**

Once the chainsaw was ready to go, Feliciano and I put on our safety goggles and he promptly retreated to the couch.

"Now in order for this to work, I need you to squat down as far as you can. I don't want to be cleaning up any blood so please follow my instructions, okay?"

"Oui!"

I revved up the engine. " I don't know if this is a good time to say this, but I have never worked a chainsaw before!" I hollered over the noise.

**XXX**

"Okay...now that everyone is alive and well and... free, I think it's about time I introduce myself to you two boys a little better. I'm Ali Griffin and you two, along with other countries, will now inhabit my house and may just destroy my life as we know it. In case you two are curious, I do live alone." I shot a glare at France. "But if you try anything_- I MEAN GOD DAMNED ANYTHING_- my friends Hayley and Shannon will beat the crap out of you. Especially Hayley. Our location right now is Palo Alto, California." Italy raised his hand. "Yes, California is in America. But don't worry, I'm not even American so the last person shoving hamburgers down your throat's is me." Italy and France sighed in relief.

"Moi has a question for you, mon ami."

"Ummm...what?"

"Is the pretty lady standing in front of me single?" I blushed, but turned away because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me red-faced.

"If I say no, you will hit on me. I'd rather not answer that question."

"Ohonhonhonhon~ Does this mean you're single?"

"NO! OKAY! NEW TOPIC! It's about... I would say the time is... around half past dinner."

"What's for dinner? French food, non?"

"Uh... how does sausages sound?"

"Yummy! Germany always makes me sausages!"

"Oui, why not? Lead the way mademoiselle!" Francis said, reaching to grope my ass. I grabbed his fingers until they made a sickening crunching sound. "Don't even think about it!"

**XXX**

The Frenchman across from me seemed to approve my food, seeing as he didn't insult it or barf it up all over the table, though he was still cradling his injured hand.

The Italian next to me, on the other hand, was spewing with compliments, even though all I made was sausages and eggs. I wanted to have some bacon but I ran out. I seriously needed to visit my good 'ole friend Costco! Oh boy... wont that be fun. Shopping with Felicicano and Francis. Can't wait. You can just hear the sarcasm dripping off those words.

"I love this! Its so yummy sorella!" Okay, I like compliments but after the first fifty I (and Francis) -were getting very, very annoyed.

"I know. I figured that out at the twenty-second compliment you gave me. As much as I appreciate it Feli (his face instantly lit up at the nickname I gave him), I would like it if you actually EAT your food and not TALK abut it." I plastered a syrupy smile on my face.

"Si!"

An awkward silence passed before...

"GAY BABY!"

". . . . . ?" Feli and Francis looked at me with extremely weird looks.

"What? Haven't you ever heard that during every awkward silence a gay baby is born?"

"A what?" Feliciano asked.

"A gay bab- ohhhhh I get it... Okay... so do you know what yaoi is?" I mean, come on, he's friends with _Japan_ and he grew up with _Hungary_. He must have at least the general idea.

"What's yaoi?" He and Francis asked_. _**_HOLY SHIT FRANCE DOESN'T KNOW ABUT YAOI!_**_ But he's French dumbass... not Japanese… _**_BUT HE'S A PERVERT!_**_... so? Doesn't mean he knows what yaoi is... _**_BUT IT'S SO FRANCE FOR HIM TO KNOW!_**_ …..that made no sense... _**_IT DIDN'T HAVE TO! AND IT DOES MAKE SENSE!_ **

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am arguing with myself. No, I'm not crazy. Trust me, I've heard enough of that from the voices. I. AM. SANE.(psht. likewise) According to my imaginary friends.

Anyways, I got stuck explaining yaoi.

"Okay...Yaoi, also known as Boys' Love, is a Japanese popular term for female-oriented fictional media that focus on homoerotic or homoromantic male relationships, usually created by female authors. Originally referring to a specific type of dojinshi(self-published works) parody of mainstream anime and manga works, yaoi came to be used as a generic term for female-oriented manga, and anime featuring idealized homosexual male relationships. The main characters in yaoi usually conform to the formula of the seme ("attacker") who pursues the uke ("receiver"). You with me?"

"Uhhh no..." Feliciano stated while Francis started getting a weird look on his face. I made a decision that if this was going to go well, I needed to end this conversation fast.

"Okay, let me just tell it to you simply. When you are gay, you are a man that loves another man."

"I love Germany!"

"Romantically..."

"Oh... I take that back..."

"You get it?"

"Oui! He gets it!" Francis interrupted.

"Si!"

"Good. Because whether he did or didn't, I wasn't going into further details." Francis' face fell a bit. I got up and stretched.

"Okaaaaaaay I'm going to bed. It's been a long day for me."

"Ve~ I'm tired to!"

Francis and Feliciano climbed up the stairs with me on Francis' back. My brain starts malfunctioning when I get tired. Hence, being carried upstairs by France. When we reached the hallway I pointed out the rooms.

"Okay Francis, why don't you choose a room?" I sort of ordered, sort of suggested. He took a while looking for each room, but finally chose the second room on the right.

"I want this one, mon chéri." He proclaimed slyly. If this were an animation, I would have sweat dropped right there and then. Italy proceed to fall asleep n his feet. _I hope he doesn't fall over. It would be such a pain to call the ambulance because he cracked his poor little head on the wooden floor._

"Umm... You can't have that room. Its mine." I stated bluntly.

"My point exactly~" He chirped. I grabbed the nearest thing (Feliciano) and tried to throw it at the pervert. To make a long story short, I had to go with option B.

Thus, I had the Frenchman on his knees, clutching his unmentionables, wailing like there was no tomorrow. I smiled a placed my tennis racket back onto my shelf.

"You should be glad I'm in a good mood. If I were in a bad mood, I would have taken a fork and scratched your eyes out. That was option C." I replied sweetly, swinging the tennis racket back and forth.

"V-v-ve! Sorella is scary!" Feliciano wailed.

"Awwww~ Feli! Don't worry! I would never scratch your eyes out with a fork no matter how much the voices chant in my head!" I hugged the blubbering Italian, who immediately relaxed at the contact and could tell I ment him no harm.

Quickly dumping Francis in his room that I thought would be more appropriate for him (AKA The farthest room from mine), I locked the door and slipped into a big shirt and my P.E shorts. I bid everyone a good night, and fell asleep.

And that statement was very short lived.

**XXX**

_**Knock! Knock! Knock!**_

_Ugggg..._

"Five more minutes," I mumbled sleepily, glancing at the clock. 1:34 AM_. Huh?_

_**Knock! Knock! Knock!**_

"It half past one in the freaking morning! Leave me alone!"

"V-v-ve~"

_Oh god..._

"Feli?" I got up and unlocked the door. "What's wrong I told you to-"

And then I got tackle-glomped by a distressed Italian.

"F-f-feli?"

"Ve! There's something in my room! It's big and scary and looks a lot like Francis! But I still got scared! Can I sleep with you?"

_Oh crap..._

"Look, Feli. Don't take this the wrong way but-" Oh god. How can I say no to his big pleading eyes? I sighed. "Fine."

"Yay!" He cheered, bounding into my room. He looked so cute, in his button down shirt and his...his...

"GAAAAAAAAH! I howled, covering my eyes, trying to erase that image that would forever be etched in my mind.

"Sorella? What's wrong?" He asked, turning to face me_. What's wrong? Is this guy freaking serious?_

"Please don't turn around..." I meekly answered.

"What's the matter?"

"Feli, you aren't wearing any pants."

"So?"

"Feliciano, if you ever want to even think about sleeping in the same bed as me, you must put on pants."

"But I don't like the way they feel against my-"

"Don't! Please! Don't finish that sentence!" I squeaked. I took a deep breath and looked at the floor. "Italia, if you don't want to get raped by the thing that looks like France and probably is France, I suggest you put on some boxers."

"V-v-ve~ Okaaaaaaay!" He agreed and dashed out of the room. I collapsed back onto my bed. I heard my door open and footsteps. I glanced up and was greeted by the country of Italy, thankfully wearing boxers, smiling down at me.

Creeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyy.

When the rather fidgety Italian got himself comfortable, I was finally able to get my beauty sleep. And I admit, I slept better than I had in years.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHO OR WHAT THE HELL IS IN YOUR BED?"

Waking up? Well, that's an entirely different story

**Partner in Crime: Cliffhanger! DUN DUN DUN! Just want to say I don't own Youtube, Hetalia, or that paragraph on yaoi (That was wikipedia, which I also don't own) Thanks for all the feedback and alerts and favorites. I'm not sure what will happen in chapter 3, or what unit to use next. Actually, if you want to request a unit, just review with your request or vote **

**on my profile! **

**Cheers~!**

**R&R~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Partner in Crime: Okay guys... so for a while its going to be harder to get these chapters posted... but I'll still keep up this story... just saying... updates may be slow for a while... I just want to say that I don't own Stanford, Hetalia, Vans, Prada, pretty much all the designers I listed here. Oh and I don't own Hayley, Shannon, or Ali.**

**OwlCookies: of course u dont own hayley and shannon. u own ali, but i own shannon and xb owns hayley. bwahah OWN. PWN XDD CAT! bwahaha *says matter-of-factly* bwahah**

**XPLODING BUNNIES: PROUD OWNER OF HAYLEY!**

**Partner in Crime: *correction* I dont own Hayley or Shannon, but I **_**do **_**own Ali.**

**OwlCookies: of course. cuz i like, just said tht**

**Partner in Crime: FINE THEN! I UNCORRECT MYSELF! THERE, HAPPY?**

**OwlCookies: i suppose :)**

"Mmhmmmmfaaaaaaa..." I mutter sleepily as I crack an eyelid open. Italy rolled over a blinked a couple times. We both turned around at the source of the noise. " 'hos shoutin? Ifs twooo errlay..." I slur.

"YOU HEARD ME YOUNG LADY!" _I know that voice... Mom? No, not mom. Uh... who is it? _My vision adjusted and the blurry figure soon became clear. I was face to face with my friend Emma. _Of all the people right now, it was Emma. Does the world hate me or something?_(LOL YES. YES IT DUS XD-oc) (...who. is. emma?-xb)(isnt she like, pnc's friend whom we dont kno...? O.o-oc)(yup... u guys should meet her someday..-pnc)(yeah. sure.-oc)(u being sarcastic?-pnc)(oh i dunno lol i just put tht there-oc)

Don't get me wrong! Emma and I are practically sisters ever since I pushed her into a puddle in second grade. But I felt bad so I helped her up afterwards. Yeah, I know. Kind of a weird way to make a friend. Her personality is similar to mine and she's smart and fun and just plain _awesome! _There was one crucial thing about her that made this situation ten times worse.

Emma has never watched or read Hetalia. Or any manga or anime. So when she found Italy curled up next to me in the same bed, did she get the wrong idea.

_Boy am I freaking screwed._

Of course, Italy sprang up and started shaking her hand vigorously.

"Hi! I'm Feliciano, Ali's new housemate! Ve~ I hope we become the best of friends!" He chirped.

"I'm Emma," Emma removed her hand from his handshake and mouthed to me '_You have a LOT of explaining to do!'_

"B-b-but its eeeeeaaaaarllllyyyyyy!And I'm tiiiiiiir-GAK!" She pulled me up by my shirt (which choked me) and marched me to the kitchen. She sat me down with a look on her face that if I wasn't so screwed I would have laughed my freaking ass off.

"In all the years I've known you... you know what? Who cares about me talking? Screw that. JUST TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Emma yelled.

"Shut up!" I hissed. "You'll wake up the pervert!"

"A _pervert?_" She shrieked. I clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Yes! A pervert! And if you keep getting excited and stuff I'm not going to save you when he "attacks" you!" That shut her up. "Now just listen closely..."

I didn't take me long to explain. I gave her summaries and character profiles and such. She seemed to catch on rather quickly.

"So then why was Italy in your bed?" She questioned, still a bit suspicious.

"Both Italies have a tendency to sleep with other people. When they are together they share the same bed. When Italy is over at Germany's he sleeps with him. When Romano is at Spain's he sleeps with Spain."

"Oooooooh! I get it! Phew! For a second there, I thought you turned into a hooker or-" I cut her off with a slap on the upside of her head. She pouted and tried to cry. "You're so meeeaaan Ali!"

I pouted a bit. "I'm mean? You're the one who called me a slut!" (HEY PUNK! THTS MINES AND APRILS PHRASE!-oc)(fine I'll change it-pnc)(MWHAHAHA!-oc)(...?-xb)(she originally put 'im sowwy!"-oc)

"I'll only forgive you if you... lick your foot!" She laughed. I shook my head. "Oh, by the way, I brought your groceries."

"I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER! YOUR MY HERO!" I cried and tackle-glomped her.

"Aaaak! You gonna keel meh!"

I went through the groceries. She got everything I asked for plus a little extra here and there. Whenever her mom offered to get my groceries, I more than happily oblige. She helped me unpack everything.

"You staying for dinner tonight?" I ask. The fruits and veggies go in the fridge, and I place the bacon down.

"Sure... why?"

"Don't be sneaky! You packed everything for S'mores!" I took out the pancake mix and packed my mountain load of pasta into the pantry. She was about to make a witty comeback when someone grabbed both of us by the waist and pulled us towards him.

"Ahhh mon cher... You never told me you had such a cute little friend~" I sighed.

"And a good morning to you to, Francis. Hey! Would you mind making breakfast?"

"Of course not~" He replied, not letting go of us. I turned to Emma.

"On the count of three..."

"Ein..."

"Two..."

"Drei!" I cried and we both kicked him. He started fawning over his injuries while we were laughing our heads off.(...is tht like...jibberish...?-oc)(nope. its one and three on german and I'm pretty sure Afrikaans-pnc)(...lolwut?-oc)(i am so lost-xb)(the...numbers..?-oc)(hahahaha }:)-pnc)

"That was awesome! MONKEY BUTTS COLLIDE!" She cheered and we brought our fists together. We were still laughing when Italy breezed in and France was busy cooking. Why we were laughing? We have nooooooo idea.

"Mhmmmm~ Yummy! Big brother Francis is cooking!" He chirped.

"Is it strange that I have this really strong urge to hug him?" Emma whispered.

"Not really..."

Once we were all seated, eating France's good breakfast, we were interrupted.

"Heeelllooo? Ali? You alive?" Hayley called into the house.

"I think she died..." Shannon snickered.

"Hurry! Lets ransack the place before we tell her parents!"

"Right! I call her computer!"

"I'm alive dumbasses!" I holler at them.(i LOL XDD-oc)

"Oh hey! She is!" They both entered the kitchen. "You seem fine. Everything okay last night?"

"It was fine..."

"Woah! Who this? Which country is she?" Shannon asked, motioning at Emma.

"I'm Emma... I've been Ali's friend ever since she moved to America in second grade," she stated, eating her crepes. (AWWW MAKE IT CRUMPETS!-xb)(CRUMPETS! CRUMPETS!-oc)(Crumpets are enlgish. but I promise as soon as we get England there will be crumpets-pnc)(CRUMPETS! CRUMPETS! CRUMPETS DAMN IT!-oc)(WAIT! WAIT! WAIT DAMN IT!-pnc)(damn it my butt!-oc)(woo hooo! XD CRUMPETS! and hamburgers xD-xb)(i like chezbergerz better :P-oc)(ew no way cheese sucks-xb)(YOU suck T.T u nonbeliever!-oc)(lollipops! xD-xb)(of course-oc)(ITS GOING TO STAY CREPES SO DEAL WITH IT!-pnc)(:'( :'( :'(-xb)(AS SOON AS ENGLAND COMES INTO THE PICTURE IT WILL BE CRUMPETS!-pnc)(_CRUMPETS_ bwahaha reminds me of lunch yesterday XD-oc)(LOL I ATED A CRUMPET! I FEEL ACOMPLISHED!-pnc)

"Wait... your not American?" Shannon and Hayley asked.

"Yeah... haven't I told you already?"

"No! TELL US! TELL US!"

"And if I don't?"

"We throw you into the pool!"

"Some friends you are..." They picked me up and started walking towards the door. "OKAY OKAY FINE! I'LL TELL YOU!" They set me down. "My mom is English and my dad is German. I was born in-"

"ITALY!"

"FRANCE!"

"NO! I WAS BORN IN GERMANY!GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!"(wtf i thot u wer african O.o-oc)(bwahahaha PLOT TWIST! jk ill change it if it bothers u. I wanted 2 c ur guys reaction-pnc)(O.O "wtf" wud be my proper expression-oc)(lol-pnc)(okay i have no idea on whats going on.-xb)(bwahaha ~PLOT TWIST~-pnc)(...?-xb)

"Ve~ Really? No wonder you talk like Ludwig!"

"No, seriously?" Shannon scoffed. (that is not what i would say...-xb)(yeah ikr. thts was JENNA wud say ._."-oc)(Meh heh heh heh heh-pnc)( i would say something like who's ludwig?-xb)(. . . . epic fail... Ludwig=Germany-pnc)( i dont get it-xb)(They each have a human name... Italy's is Felicano, romanos is Lovino, Germany's is Ludwig, Japan's is Kiku... and so forth-pnc)(..i thot he was some composer dude.-xb)(Ludwig van bethoven or something like that... yeah Ludwig is a german name...-pnc)(vaaannnnn bwahaha edwards OBSESSED with tht name-oc)(LOL I REMEMBER!-pnc)

"Thats so cool! I can't believe your German!" Shannon exclaimed. "Do you eat lots of sausages?"

"Uhh..."

"Did you live in Hamburg?"

"Why did you move?"

"Do you drink beer?"

"Can you speak Germa-"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "I WANT TO EAT IN PEACE!"

"O.O"

"But yes... I did live in Hamburg..." I trailed off. That comment earned me an 'OHHH YEAHHHH!' from Hayley.

**XXX**

"Its sooooo hooooooootttttt!" I wail.

If I was feeling hot, the two countries next to me must have been boiling. I kinda felt sorry for them, in their military uniforms. So I did the nicest thing I could. I called up my shopoholic friend to lend me a hand. Besides, they can't walk around in WWII military uniforms in downtown Palo Alto.

_**BRIIIIIIIIIIING! **__Don't pick up..._

_**BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! **__Please don't pick up..._

_**BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! **__I'm begging you... don't pick up!_

_**BRIIIIINNNNNNN- **__DAMN IT!_

"Hello?" My friend Elise picked up. Damn. That means I'll be going shopping. I sighed. (Who's Elise? I AM SO CONFUSED...-xb)(LOL ok Elise=Kendra... i could never go shopping... so she has 2 show up... XP-pnc)(O.O BWAHAHA KENDRA?-oc)(lol yes-pnc)(*face palm*-xb)(:P-pnc)

"Lise! Look, I have some friends from out of town and they kinda need some clothes. They aren't from America and they brought all the wrong stuff to wear so-"

"OH. MY. GOD!" She squealed and I held my phone away from my ear to save my poor brain. Hayley and Shannon chuckled.

"Suuuuucker!" Hayley sniggered. I glared at her.

"Does this mean we're going shopping?" Elise cheered.

"I guess..." I replied. That earned me a respectful cheer from the Italian and the Frenchman and an ear-splitting shriek from my friend on the other end. I hung up and sank into my chair. 

**XXX**

Before I knew what was happening, I found myself in Stanford Shopping Center, Palo Alto, with Elise tugging on my one arm and Francis tugging on my other arm.

"Feliciano, get your ass over here or we're only buying clothes for Francis!" I yelled, which earned glares from the girls that he was currently flirting with. He nodded, apologized, and ran after us.

Let me just say, this shopping trip was very nerve-racking. Francis and Feliciano were extremely picky and would not accept that I couldn't afford Prada and designers like that.

"Oh come on! If you want to fit in, then get in here and try on some stuff! The clothes aren't bad!" We were definatly causing a scene. I was trying to drag Feliciano into Hollister while he was hanging onto the door frame. Elise was shouting at Feli and Francis was trying to coax the finicky Italian in.

Several death threats later, Elise and I were waiting for the guys to change into the shorts she wanted them to try out.

"I'm booooooooored..." I moaned as I slumped into my chair. "And I hate shopping..."

Elise gave an approving cheer. I turned to face the two men, wearing clothes that suited them nicely. Damn, Elise is good.

"You guys look great! Now we leave! FOREVER! XD" I got up and proceeded to the checkout, so that I could pay for their shorts.(forever 21 bwahahah!-oc)

"Yay! Any other good stores that we can get them clothes?" Elise asked me. No, not because I'm a tomboy. I have a brother. I know this stuff. Deal with it.

"Umm... well... there's Quicksilver... I guess we could try Ambercrombie... and if they want shoes then we should check out the Vans store..." Little did I know these same stores I would spend the rest of my day in. Plus Sephora. I _HATE _Sephora. (SINCE WHEN DID THEY HAVE ABERCROMBIE AT STANFORD SHOPPING CENTER?-xb)(. . . dont they have ambercrombie?-pnc)(last time i check, i swear there was an ambercrombie O.o-oc)(SEE? STANFORD HAS EVERYTHING!-pnc)(ITS TRU! THEY EVEN HAS SPRINKLES CUPCAKES! I WANNA GET ONE!-oc)(THEY HAVE A SUNGLASS HUT AND AN APPLE STORE...-xb)(:D-pnc)(IKR! I REMEMBER THT! XD-oc)

Nethertheless, I still had fun. Even though Elise refused to look at me for an hour later getting ourselves kicked out of Sephora. Hey, I was bored! Besides, they were overreacting.

All I wanted to do was see how much damage I can do with the little eyebrow scissors.

The answer is a lot, in case you were wondering.

The last store we went to wasn't actually at Stanford Shopping Center. We went to the Stanford store and I bought all of us Stanford sweatshirts.

Even Hayley and Shannon.

_Especially _Hayley because she doesn't like Stanford. And _especially _Shannon and I, because we support Stanford. And the guys got one because they can...(YEAAHHH! STANFORD FTW!-oc)( BOOOOOOOOO no way i would never get one unless it was purple :P -xb)(NYEHEHE CAL IS WAY AWESOMER-xb)(STANFORD DAMN IT-oc)

Elise got one just because she was there. She's like...Kisa from Fruits Basket... shes just there... all the time... just part of the scenery...(bwahhah!-oc)(Kisa-xb)(kisas boring T.T-oc)

When we got home, I collapsed on the couch and refused to move until the next morning. I needed to recover.

Unfortunatly, things didn't go as planned.

"Why do I have_ this_?" Haley asked me, holding up her Stanford sweatshirt with two fingers and as far away from her as possible. She had her _'Who the hell put this banana here?' _face.

~Hayley fun fact~ She hates bananas. 122% TRUE! xD

"Because we bought everyone one. Feli and Francis are wearing theirs and I think Shannon is too. Mines around my waist."

"Okay... let me rephrase that sentance because you obviously don't get what I'm trying to ask. Why do _I, Hayley, the Cal fan, _have a Stanford sweatshirt?"(because it proves that stanford is AWESOME TOAST RIGHT THERE-oc)(ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww-xb)( STANFORD=PURE AWESOMESAUCE RIGHT THERE!-pnc)(UH-HUH-oc)

"Meh heh heh heh... thats for me to know and you to find out..." I smirked.

"Did you do something to this? Like drop it in a sewer or something?"

"Thats for me to know and you to find out..."

"_DID YOU?" _

"Thats for me to know and you to find out..."

_"DID YOU OR DID YOU FREAKING NOT? ANSWER THE QUESTION!"_

I then spent the rest of my day hiding from Hayley.

"How boring!" You shall say.(huh...?-oc)

Not really. At one point I wound up locking myself in the same room as Francis. Not pretty. For both of us. I think he still has those scars... (ewww-xb)

Dinner was fun. We had pasta (surprise, surprise!) and was more or less uneventful. Desert, banana splits. We wound up throwing our bananas at Hayley.

And by we I mean Shannon and I. And sometimes Emma. Mostly me and Shannon. 

**XXX**

Then peoples left. And it was just us three again. And it was okay...

Until Feliciano walked in on me showering.

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHH! GET THE FRICK OUT!"

"Ve~ Ohhhh! Your showering?"

"YES I'M SHOWERING! GET OUT AND SHUT THE FREAKING DOOR!"

I walked into my room, drying my hair, and was met with the sight of Feliciano sniveling on my bed.

"Feli?"

"Ve~ I-I-I'm sorry I'll get out..." He wimpered.

**"**No... its okay... just wear pants this time, okay?"

"But I-"

"No buts!"

"Ve~ Fine." 


	4. Rugby World Cup Special

**Partner in Crime: Okay peeps, sorry that this isn't a real chapter….. It's just that the rugby world cup just ended and me and my family love our rugby! (Springboks FTW!) I was crushed when my country's team, who were the defending Champions, didn't even get the title of at least 4th place! So here is my anger and um… congratulations…. In this chapter. (and because its my feelings, I shall use myself in the story)**

**XXX**

"NOOOOOOOO!" France threw his flag on the floor and shouted at the TV. "Pas du tout! Cela ne peut pas se passer!" He sank to his knees in defeat.

"HAHAHAHA! SERVES YOU RIGHT!" A girl with messy brown hair in a ponytail shot up from the couch. England smirked at France, still a bit sore from losing in the quarterfinals. "YOU DESERVED THAT, FROG!"

"Heh, but at least he got _second place_," Prussia defended, knowing that this would certainly strike a nerve.

"WE ARE THE TRUE CHAMPIONS! NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM US! NOT FRANCE, NOT NEW ZEALAND, NOT ANYONE!' She ranted.

"Except for, apparently Australia."

"THAT WAS A FLUKE! THE REFF WASN'T DOING A VERY GOOD JOB AND IN MY OPINION THEY JUST GOT LUCKY AND-mffff"

"Please, Jenna, just shut up. You're not the only one disappointed. At least your not like Russia and America, who have to play to qualify next time." England pointed out, removing the hand from her mouth. A faint "kolkolkol" could be heard in the background.

"Dude! Rugby is so confusing! You have to pass it backwards! And besides, which player is the quarterback?" America asked, dumbfound.

"Fratello and I did pretty well, right?" Italy questioned Scotland, who just merrily nodded, not listening to Italy. "Ve~ did you hear that Romano? Scotland says we did pretty good!"

"Che, of course I did. Do you think I'm deaf?"

"No, but I-"

"BUT WHAT?" Italy whimpered and shrank away from his brother's rage and dashed off to find Germany, who never even played in the world cup to begin with.

"Now that France is defeated, can we rub it in his face that he never beat New Zealand?" England asked. "Because, technically he got beat by me, seeing as New Zealand was a former colony."

"Are you implying that America is technically you?" France shot back, pulling himself up so he could face the Brit.

"Hahahaha!"

"Shut up America!"

"Besides," The girl turned to smirk at Prussia. "At least _we _are a country!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Cue a mad chase around the house. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!"

"NEEEEEEEEVAAAAAARRRR!"

"This is why I stick to football," Germany muttered, turning away from the chaos and going back to icing his cake.

**XXX**

**Partner in Crime: Actually, I typed this up a while ago, and since I feel bad about not posting up chapters. Congrats to anyone in New Zealand who reads this! I also congratulate everyone from France, Australia, England, Wales, and most importantly, my fellow South Africans~ Viva Suid Afrika! **


	5. Chapter 5

"ITS RIGHT THERE!" The hell?

"Where's the mountain?"

"I SAID ITS RIGHT THERE!" I trudged down the stairs to find Hayley in my living room, sitting in front of my TV, screaming at the kids show that was currently on, which was Dora the Explorer. Shannon was sitting on my couch, watching not the TV but Hayley.

"So where's the mountain?"

"OH MY GOD! OPEN YOUR FREAKING EYES AND TURN AROUND! THE MOUNTAIN IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

"Is this the mountain?"

"NO THAT'S NOT! THAT IS THE FREAKING HOUSE! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT? LOOK AT YOUR STUPID TALKING MAP AND YOU WILL SEE THAT THE MOUNTAIN IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Hayley was really getting worked up about this.

~Hayley Fun Fact~ She hates repeating herself more that once. Scratch that. She hates repeating herself period.

"Where's the river?" OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

"I'm not telling you..."

"Seriously Hayley? What are you, five? Its too early to be shouting like this!" I shouted.

"And good morning to you too sunshine," Shannon scoffed. (lol-xb)(beautiful sunshine indeed bwaha-oc)(neyhehee h rise and shine xD-xb)(u are my sunshine my only sunshine~oc)(. . . ?-pnc)(you make me happy wen skies r gray~oc)(you can shut up now-pnc)(u never kno jenna how much...i...uh... ok im stuck now-oc)(i love u...TAH! XP-pnc)(thx for the idea :P u never kno jenna how much i luv u...nicorns! please dont take my sunshine away~oc)(...I HATE U...nibrows-xb)(i luv u..nicorns ^.^-oc)(i love u...nicycles! :P-pnc)(i like you...tube xD-oc)

"Shut your trap."

"Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!" Hayley chanted along with Dora and Boots.

"I give up..." I sighed.

"Hey sorella! This guy with a big box showed up! So we let him in and big brother Francis signed the thing for you!" (YUEAH! CRUMPETS!-oc)

"Oh freaking joy... who did I get now?" I asked. I picked up the manual on the box.

Arthur Kirkland: User Guide and Manual.

"OH YEAH! I GOT ENGLAND! I GOT ENGLAND!" I cheered.

"When do we get America..." Hayley sulked. (bwaha more like protested-oc)

"Lets get him out! Hmmmm... okay... Hey Hayley!"

"What?"

"How well can you sing the national anthem?"

"I don't know the British national anthem!"

"I MEAN THE AMERICAN ONE DUMB ASS!" (I CAN SING IT! I SING RLY WELL! I SING AWESOMEFULLY-oc)

"Ohhhhhh well you see... I didn't exactly take singing lessons."

"Does anyone in this room know the national anthem?"(ME! ME! ME!~oc)

"Why don't you sing it?" Hayley asked.

"All I know is "Oh say can you see, by the dawns..." and that's its." I explained.(ME DAMN IT-oc)

"Now, who can answer my question?" I ignored Shannon jumping up and down, waving her arm around vigorously. How fun...

"ME DAMN IT!"

"Who said that?" I looked up(:P) and around the room. Shannon started jumping up and down.

I looked at Shannon, who had a 'You are SO lucky I'm too short to reach your neck right now' look on her face. "Yes? Do you want something?"(i cant totally reach ur neck!-oc)

"I CAN SING THE FREAKING NATIONAL ANTHEM!" She yelled.

"Oh really now?"(*strangles u officially over the internet*-oc lol wtf. googledocs is stupid. it dusnt kno how to spell internet :P)(*is invincible* ikr? its weird...-pnc)(bwabahah its hilarious xD-oc)

So then Shannon started singing to the box. It was kind of weird, watching Shannon sing to a box. France and Italy were the lucky(or not, whatever floats your boat) bystanders. (YEAH! WAT NAO XD-oc)(lol singing to a box-oc) Soon the box began to shake. We were all used to this by now.

"ALFRED! WILL YOU SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!" An angry voice came from the box.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! HE THINKS YOUR ALFRED!" I laughed.

"I-I I don't think I sing that low! Or-Or OR MAYBE AMERICA SINGS LIKE A GIRL!" Shannon exclaimed.

The box exploded with a giant POOM! (poom...?-oc)

Hahaha just kidding. The box exploded and it started raining bunnies.

Hehehe no seriously. Ask anyone. Ask Shannon. Or Hayley. I swear, it rained bunnies.

*No bunnies were harmed in the making of this Fanfic...*(bwahah of course-oc)(BUNNIES! xD-xb)

"YOU BROKE THE BOX!" I shouted to the person closest to me, who happened to be France. But France was out in his own La-la land to notice me blaming him.

And the England stepped out. And I squealed. And hugged him.

"IIIIIGGGYYY!"(ahem, 20 letter rule-oc)(XP-pnc)

"Ali! Don't suffocate him! He needs to be alive!"

"Ali, I think you're killing him."

"ALI! THE AWESOMEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO ALI! DO YOU READ ME? OVER!" Hayley yelled.

"Ja? What you want?" I asked looking up.

"You're killing the nation of Great Britain and Northern Ireland," Shannon remarked. (rly? northern ireland?-oc)(hehehe yes... i had to-pnc)

"Oops." I let go of England, who collapsed to the floor, breath heavily and gasping like a fish out of water.

After just standing there for two minutes, he actually said something.

"Its... the latter actually," He wheezed.

"Huh?" All of us, including France, cocked our head in confusion.

"When... I told... your friend..." He pointed at Shannon.

"Shannon," She said.

"Shannon," He continued. "To stop singing, you started talking about me calling her Alfred and then she said something about her singing low or Alfred singing high..."

"Why are we still on this topic?" Hayley asked.

"So your saying that Alfred sings like a girl..." I clarified.

"Yes. I am." (TROLOOLOL ALFRED FAIL JONES SINGS LIKE A GIRL! *sighs in relief* i thot i sang unnaturally low...-oc)

"Weeeeeell, let me greet you better. Hey! I'm Ali! This is Hayley and you've already met Shannon." I shook his hand.

"Pleasure."

"And you already know Feliciano and Francis."

"Ahhh yes Italy and... HOLD ON A BLOODY SECOND! DID YOU SAY FRANCIS? AS IN THE NATION OF FRANCE?"

"If I say yes will you kill me?" I asked.

"Where the hell is he? I have to defend myself!"

"He's right behind you..." Shannon trailed off.

"Ohonhonhonhonhon~"

**XXX**

"If we're all going to live(more like survive-oc) in this house, notice I'm emphasizing LIVE , we need some rules. Let me just make it clear that anyone who disobeys the rules will be dealt with by Hayley, Shannon and I. Hayley!" We were all sitting at the table, holding a little meeting.

"Yeah?"

"Get America," I addressed. I turned to France, England, and Italy. Shannon and Hayley were standing behind me. Hayley came back holding a bat with the words "America" written in red, white, and blue. "Boys, meet America. My brother lent us the bat and let us color on him. You guys screw with the rules and your face gets to meet America first hand. Got it?"

They all nodded vigorously. "Good... so the rules... lets see... rule number one..."

"No raping people," England suggested, glaring at France.

"Really? No raping people? There are plenty of better rules!" Hayley scoffed.

"Like...?" Shannon asked.

"I got another one," I proclaimed. "Alcohol is off-limits! That includes wine, beer, whiskey-WHAT ENGLAND?"

"Rum?"

"NO RUM EITHER!"

"Awww... but sorella... why can't I have just a little wine?"

"Oui, why not let big brother Francis have wine?"

"Okay, Italy normally I wouldn't mind, but a drunk France is not what I want. Or a drunk England." I explained.

"Or a drunk England and France!" Shannon included.

"In the same room," Hayley slyly remarked.

"Okayy... moving on... another one! We will not kill anyone. I do not want bloodstains on the carpet or having to phone the police or the ambulance or people like that." All the nations nodded in agreement. "Last rule, you are not allowed to bring other people home. Clear?" They all nodded again.

"Good. Now, who's hungry?"

**XXX**

"No way!"

"You must be crazy!"

"Are your taste buds dead?"

"Ve~ what's the matter with Italian food?"

"Listen punks," Hayley growled. "We're going to In-N-Out and that's final!"

"It has the best burgers ever! They aren't greasy, they're clean, and they're CHEAP! LETS GO!" I pointed to the garage and started a mini-stampede.

"How are we going to get there?" Francis asked, noticing that Shannon, Hayley, and I were taking out bikes. "There aren't enough bikes for everyone."

"True," I agreed. "So which one of you has the least dignity?"

"Pardon?" Arthur was shocked.

"Well there's only one bike left. Hehehehe... two of you have to take the wagon." I smiled mischievously.

"Well," Arthur stated. "I'm the most dignified out of all three of us, so I shall be the one on the bike."

"But I beg to differ, mon cher." Francis challenged.

"Shut up frog! You lost your dignity eons ago!"

"That's not true! I still have some dignity! At least I can cook well enough!"

"Shut up wanker! My cooking is fine!"

"Your cooking can kill any living creature!" England lunged at France, and they proceeded to strangle each other. Letting those two attempt to kill each other, I pulled out the wagon. (if u want, i can draw a picture of this xD like uknow... France smugly riding a bike, England in the wagon scowling, in Italy with his dreamy look :3-oc)(OMG PLZ CAN U! IT WOULD LOOK SO FUNNY! XD)(X3 ill draw it as soon as i have time. once im done, imma copy it. u can has the original. i just want a copy to laugh at all day XD-oc)

"I think for Italy's safety, England will ride in the wagon with him. France has wandering hands." Shannon decided. (i...i didnt even kno they had humans names until u told me...! wats the point in even saying them wen id say their countries instead!-oc)(THANK YOU.-oc)

"WHAAAAT?" Arthur hollered in protest. (i think england hates me even more now xD-oc)

"Three words," Hayley held up three fingers. "Suck." One finger down. "It." Two fingers down. "Up." She raised her fist to Arthur's face.

"Ahahah burn!" Shannon giggled.

"Bad Roy pun!" I exclaimed.

"Now that that's settled, lets go!" I hopped onto my bike and pushed off, Hayley and Shannon close behind me.

We were distracted though, because behind us, where Francis was biking, we couldn't help but laugh at the scene.

"Ahonhonhonhon!"

"THIS IS UNJUST! I DEMAND OFF THIS WAGON AND ON THAT BIKE! STOP LAUGHING YOU BLOODY WANKER!"

"Ve~" (i actually wrote this down on the picture im drawing :P. fanart~?-oc)(:D-pnc)(AHAHAHAHA at first i thot u said fart :P-xb)(wow... not again *facepalm* like remember tht essay from band wen i wrote forte? even mrs. bice thot i wrote fart-oc)(ohh yeah!-xb)

"If you don't want to be in the wagon, then get off and freaking walk, punk!" Hayley called over her shoulder. We didn't hear anymore complaints from Arthur, so I anticipated he understood that if he made one more peep Hayley would go over there and throw him out of the wagon. Smart choice my friend, smart choice. (BWAHAHA XD-oc)

When we showed up, though, all hell broke loose.

"I have a great idea!" Shannon exclaimed. "Instead of ordering and waiting inside, lets go though the drive through!"

"So basically your saying 'Lets not be like the normal people and go kill ourselves!'" Arthur sneered.

"If you have a problem, I am not afraid to lock you to the bike rack and throw away my bike lock key. We didn't ask for your opinion, so just shut the hell up before I will give you a reason to whine and complain!" I ranted. France gave his perverted laugh. "AND I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!" I barked and he shrank away.

"So... can we like, go to the drive through? Please? Please? PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE!" Shannon begged.

"Yeah! Lets go through!" Hayley chimed in.

"Fiiiiine," I sighed. "Lets get in line."

"YAYZ!" Shannon squealed, jumping around happily, causing a few people to stare at her awkwardly. Feliciano started mimicking her, which caused the people who weren't staring already to stare at them.

"Yay! Sono felice! Sono molto molto felice! Pasta e pizza e gelato e altre cose deliziose!" Italy started singing.

"Lets go before everyone here thinks we're nut jobs." We then proceed to the end of the line for the drive through. Unfortunately for us, we were on bikes(and a wagon) and everyone else was in giant, American sized cars.

"YEAH! THIS IS GREAT!" Shannon exclaimed in excitement.

The car behind us, well, the driver behind us, was staring at us as if we were some kind of psycho's.

"Hello, welcome to In-N-Out. What can I get you?" The static voice asked.

"Okay, you guys come up over here and tell the lady... man... the she~man what you want," I instructed to the dumbfound countries.

"Ve~ Okay. Can I have some pasta?" Feliciano asked.

"I'm sorry sir, but we only serve burgers."

"BURGERS?" Feliciano looked distraught. "Only BURGERS? NO PASTA? DON'T YOU DIE?" I shoved him out of the way.

"Heh heh heh... sorry about that... just my um... cousin. He'll have a regular burger and fries please, with a chocolate milkshake." I ignored Italy's shouts of protests. "Actually, make that three regular burgers, three french fries, and one chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry milkshake. Oh! And I'll have a cheeseburger, no tomatoes but WITH onions, fries, and a coke." I motioned Hayley and Shannon to come over and place their orders.

"I WANNA CHEZ BURGER WITH NO SPREAD, NO ONIONS, NO TOMATOES, AND STUFFS LIKE THAT! And also... also... A NEAPOLITAN SHAKE!" Shannon shouted loudly. (mwahahahaha-oc)

"First off, please don't scream. I can heard you loud and clear," the she~man said. "And also, lettuce only?"

"Yep!" Shannon squeaked.

"So that's-"

"We're not finished yet," I hissed. "Let us finish."

"Y-y-yes, of course." ( MWAHAHA XD-oc) I frantically signaled Hayley to place her order, who was in deep thought.

"A hamburger."

"Would you like onions on that?"

"I want a hamburger. Period."

"And would you-"

"JUST. A. HAMBURGER." (AHAHAHA! cracking up here XD-oc)

"R-Right. Just a hamburger..." We finished our order and rode up to the front widow for our food.

"Good afternoon, here's your... food..." The guy at the window trailed off and started staring at our little party. France and England were in the process of arguing/strangling the other person with Italy waving around his little white flag and begging that he shall be spared. "Uhm... if you don't mind me asking these questions but... Why are you using the drive through using bikes instead of just going up front and why didn't you take your mental pills today?"

"The answer to your first question is you try dragging those three into a civil place and expecting to behave..."

"Which no one ever does anymore!" Shannon chirped.

"And the answer to your second question is... we don't take mental pills. We're as normal as they come. But I'm not sure about those three," I said pointing to the three arguing countries.

"I can see that..."

"Then why did you ask?" Hayley asked, sticking her tongue out.

The In-N-Out dude shook his head and handed us our food. After paying, we biked away.

"I wouldn't be surprised if we get taken to the mental ward," Shannon said.

"One of these days..." I muttered. "Either that or we wind up in jail."

"I'm too awesome to be mental or get arrested," Hayley commented.

"It wouldn't be the fifth time for that frog to go to jail!" England scowled. We pulled up in my driveway and dashed inside because I don't know about them, but I was starving! Britain crinkled up his nose in disgust. "Disgusting American food," he spat, glaring at his burger, fries and milkshake.

"LIKE YOURS IS ANY BETTER!" Shannon retorted.

"MY COOKING IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"You wanna bet?" Shannon challenged, smirking smugly.

"Ve~ England, you're the only person I know who can burn water!" Italy stated cheerfully biting into his burger. "Its not pasta, but its not bad either! Try it big brother France!"

"It's awesome," Hayley said. She eyed her unusually thin burger and unwrapped it.

"HAHAHAHAHA! They really did give you just a burger!" I laughed, pointing at the single burger patty.

"You think that's funny?" she asked, glaring angrily at me.

"The she~man at the window probably got pissed at us, so she decided to be a smart ass with your order."

Shannon unwrapped her burger. "WHAT TEH FRICK? I ONLY HAVE THE BUN." She sipped her shake, irritated. "Hey, Hayley, I'll give you my bun if you but your burger in it and we split it in half."

"Sure. Whatev." Hayley shrugged.

I unwrapped mine.

"S/HE PUT NOTHING BUT TOMATOES IN MY BURGER! I WILL GO DOWN THERE AND STRANGLE HIM/HER!"

Shannon wagged her finger while eating her half of the burger. "We can always go on their website and complain on their bad service and failure of giving us food. They purposely did it, didn't they? Is it possible to sue them for that?"

"Awwww... that's no fun.." I whined.

"Well if we strangle them, we could go to juve," Shannon pointed out. "Unless you wanna get bushy brows and the rapist to do it for us."

I turned to them with puppy dog eyes. "Pwwweeess Engwand and Fwance. Pweese can you go and stwangle the she~man?" I begged.

"WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING WITH THAT?" England shouted in protest.

"I could say the same, bushy brows!" France spat back.

"SAY THAT AGAIN, WANKER? MY EYEBROWS ARE PERFECTLY FINE!"

"Hey, just be glad it's not a unibrow. Because a bushy unibrow is worse than bushy eyebrows," I pointed out. Of course, at this stage of their argument my comment falls upon deaf ears.

"YOUR COOKING SUCKS SO MUCH THAT YOU CAN WIPE OUT MORE PEOPLE THAN A NUCLEAR BOMB!"

"YOU BLOODY RAPIST!"

"BLACK SHEEP OF EUROPE!"*

"CHILD MOLESTER!"

"PERSON WHO FAILS WHEN IT COMES TO RAISING A LITTLE BROTHER."

"OHHHHH BUUURN!" Shannon, Hayley, and I chorused.

"Bad Roy pun!" I exclaimed afterward. "Hey... where'd Italy go?"

"I AM BACK WITH MY MILK~" He skipped into the room cheerfully.

"When did you get milk?" I questioned. "And... why?"

"Ve~ Well I got thirsty-"

"We bought you a freaking milkshake."

"I was thirsty, and I shouted real loud that I was going to go to the kitchen," He started drinking his rather tall glass of milk.

"They're so loud we couldn't hear Italy shout... that's LOUD!" I exclaimed.

Shannon stood up and kicked the two countries that were still arguing, disregarding my angry glares in their direction.

"SHUT. UP. URUSAI. URUSAI. SABAT! TUMAHIMIK KA. AND AGAIN, SHUT. UP," she screamed, now kicking their stomachs.

"...what?" The countries looked at her dumbfounded.

"She's Asian... that was Japanese.." I whispered to the European countries.

"And then two dialects of Filipino," Shannon added, chirping. They nodded, understanding the situation.

**XXX**

The rest of the afternoon was pretty mellow. Shannon, Hayley, and I retreated to the couch to watch Fairy Tail, and we were soon joined by Italy. France was sitting on the armchair, half reading his book, half watching the television. That peace was short lived.

"Hey... is something burning?" Hayley asked, sniffing the air.

"Oh yeah, I smell smoke too," Shannon turned her attention away from the screen and started sniffing around too.

"U-um... excuse me... Ali," Britain came into the room, flustered.

"Ja?"

"What's the fire department's number?"

"Whhyyyyy?"

"Your kitchen is...um... on... fire..."

"...**SAY WHAT**?"

**XXX**

**Partner in Crime: Hey people! I'm back from the dead! Sorry about not updating for a while, its just my inspiration for this chapter came in short little outbreaks followed by long stretches of uninspiredness... so if it seems a bit more cracky than usual and switching topics a lot, that's because I got lots of little ideas over the long stretch of time. I apologize for this crap! Who shall come next? If you haven't already, go check out my poll and submit your votes! Or review with your choice! Have a happy 2012!**

**R&R~**


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